So here I sit 36 weeks pregnant with my third child. One thing I have learned from being alive is life NEVER
(if I could make that word any bigger I would)
goes according to my master plan.
When I had baby #2 I thought I might die. Meaning it was so hard and mentally challenging to have two children I created a slogan, "two and through". That is what I would tell people when they asked me about my plans for having more children.
Fast forward a couple years and I kept gaining weight and was convinced my IUD was the cause. So I removed it all by myself!!! Don't worry I had done lots of research via google (everyone knows the internet never lies) and decided it was totally something that could be done. So I did that and guess what...turns out my diet and lack of exercise were what were making me fat the whole time. Who saw that coming?
Anyway, months later I decided I would never be "ready" to have another kid so we figured we might as well try and see what happens. At the time we had a good job, a cute little house to dwell in, family near by and all that good stuff.
A few months later I was pregnant with baby #3. Since it was my third kid I figured I would wait to go to the doctor when I was 17 weeks or so. That way when they did the first ultrasound I could find out the gender early. Brilliant plan! About a month after I found out I was pregnant I developed some funky looking bug bite on my boob. My doctors thought it was lyme disease.....not ideal. The medicine they usually give people you can't take while pregnant and this other drug has unknown side affects on the baby..blah, blah, blah.
So then I attempt to find a ob/gyn and have mass difficulty through my insurance. I find the perfect birthing center, but they won't accept my insurance. They I get stuck with this terrible clinic that makes you feel like you are just a paycheck to them and another person to see. I'm convinced no one there knows my name and who I am. They ask me the exact same questions every time I go in. While I was in there this morning the doctor asked me if this was my first child. I wanted to scream at her face that I have been asked that same question multiple times and why doesn't she just take one second to look at my chart/history because I bet it is in there somewhere!! I am basically chopped liver to them. And I detest feeling like they really couldn't care at all about me. Not to mention the doctor they assigned me to is old enough to be my grandpa, super creepy. But he won't likely be the one who delivers this baby because there are seven at this clinic and I have only met two but you just get whoever is on call at the time. And I am sure they will ask me the same questions and make me want to attack them...and let's not forget to mention about half of the doctors aren't even board certified yet...that is how I really feel.
Soooooooooo, back on track. I am stuck going to this horrid clinic but I finally got to see a real skin disease doctor and he informs me it is not lyme disease. Woohoo. Then we find out my husband will be losing his job in Oct. so he found a seasonal job that just ended and now here we are jobless, about to have another baby, I am attempting to potty train a child that refuses to poop in her diaper or on the toilet, we will be moving sometime this year, I have had a hard time getting really excited about this new baby and feel terrible about it. Half the time I want to scream and the other half I want to cry.
Onto the moral of the story. We have amazing support from family and friends, we are lucky to have a place to live and any insurance at all. I can't wait until January 2016 to look back on this crazy time and think of how it made us grow stronger as a family. In the mean time I will attempt to focus on my adorable girlies and have more patience.
